regarding he title of this post, i feel it just really describes me well. i have to say all of you  readers have to pardon my last two posts in this blog. i feel they were immature and were kind of rushed instead of having a lot of thought put into it. what i mean is that i have made a decision after having much thinking done. i guess love for me is not gonna be 'experienced' anytime soon. I dun wanna fall in the downward spiral of fear and many many many negative thoughts again. i'llhave to think twice before i react and it gotta be a decision i will not regret.

Read those words and they were sad,

i hope you dont feel too bad,

look forward is what you must do,

and dont think much about it too

 

gettting through i know will be hard,

well just dun let it tear you apart,

there will be others around to make you feel right,

just dont let him give you another fright

 

day by day, time goes by,

i just cannot keep it a lie,

maybe i still have feelings for you,

but i shud not since i dont love you.

 

Remember this i'm always a fren,

always ready to lend a helping hand,

if u need help i'll be willing to give,

maybe you are the reason why i live.

love can make one do really crazy things.
but im not in love at all.lol.

Hey sorry guys for not posting in about a week's time or even more. Lol. I guess i have been really leaving this blog of mine to rot out here in the world of the internet. But im not gonna make it happen as i will be posting more often from now on, well i will try my best to do it. I dont want to abandon my blog just like that. I just have to get over the laziness of having to type out every post. Lol. Who is not lazy nowadays? Tell me. If u find one person not lazy, bring him/her to me.

 

Anyways, i would like to really say that now i am back into the single world again. Yes. Back again. I really had been hoping to smell the fresh air of this world for some time lately. I left her again. Take note of the word again my loyal readers. this is the second time that this happened. some people might know who this person is but i dun wanna mention her name on this. Ok? I will tell u if i can trust u or if whether im comfortable telling you this. All i can say now is that having a relationship now is not what i want. I just wanna continue my life with whatever i have already. Love can wait until when im really ready. Lol. I sound as if im like preparing for my wedding or sommething. Lol.

 

Love kinda hurts you know. Everyone who experienced it before will know what i am talking about for sure. I used to like this person at this particular period of time in my life. Not gonna mention when that period of time was of course.  Just to get this off my chest, i may still have feelings for her until today. Guessed she made a huge 'impact' in my life. I have to be honest, i was dumb, stupid, lame, shitty, fucked up, immature, basically all the negative adjectives that are available in the dictionary. I really regretted it alot. Haiz.

 

On lighter note, school is not far away man. In a way i feel excited and anxious at the same time. Lol. I dun wanna wake up early and have to spend hours in class man. Thats boring. And something that im not really looking forward to is the timetable itself. So cramped that lunch now is only 1 hour time unlike last semester where the average was like two. Im really pissed off about that. Also, another thing that bothers me is comtoolkit class. So far no 1 i asked is in the same class as i m in. Haiz. Hope there is. I dun wanna be a loner and just sit there. Haiz. On the other hand, i get to like make more friends i guess. Lol.

 

the ending of the school holiday/semester break is like any kid's worse nightmare. Having to back to school and all. But i gotta say. There are things i miss about school.

1) zesty

- the times i had eating with my buddies was awesome. Will get to experience it again man very soon. Haha! Cant wait.

2) utter rubbish in class.

- not paying attention, talking alot, laughing our assess off, facebooking, playing games are just normal things we do in class despite knowing that what is going on is gonna be essential for our purpose to be in the poly itself- to learn. Lol.

3) making fun of jun liang

- this is legendary. didnt see him for like almost 2 months and goota make fun of him like no hair, or in his case, no fur. Lol. Jun liang, u're special. Really special.

 

Well for me, i think this post is pretty decent for my absence in posting these past few days. Love ya peeps. And see you soon sluts. Should i join tumblr? Hmm..

yes what the fuck shud the right phrase to put into emphasis when you come and see this livejournal of mine. really what the fuck. it have been one week since i like posted anything on this and it is very near extinction in my mind.  and im making it so it does not happen anytime soon. i lobe LJ man, dun wanna go back to blogger coz i hate all those shitty things when u want to just change the freaking skin. its much more easier on LJ. speaking of skin, i think i might change the skin of mine since i find it so dull and boring now, was quite overjoyed at first for your info. gonna change it anytime soon, well maybe after this post has been finished.

i quite envy people having jobs now. since they get paid and i need all the money i can get. i cannot only depend on my raya money guys, so little. yes very little. only like 100 or so. not much this year man, maybe its because of the economic downturn. fuck this shit la. managed to get myself a new wallet, new pencil box and a new bag. saw them and had to grab them. and in total, they only cost me like 32 dollars. yes, those three things for this amount of money is simply a bargain. yes i had some bargaining done, well done i should say. money money money is all i need now. i sometimes wonder how those rich bastards spend their money man. on property, luxuries and even just giving all away. well why cant you give me some? WHY? lol. i dun wan to sound as if im in desperate need for cash man. lol. but i really am. i'll try my best to get as much money before i go to buy some shirts for school. need some new items for my wardrobe. and i want more male accessories. i just find that wearing accessories is nice la. lol. sound kinda gayish rite, but not too overboard la. like ring or choker or something. no necklaces please. ya dig?

from tomorrow, it will be exactly two weeks until school starts. yes. miss my class alot man. all the drama and the mayhem that is just there everyday. gonna have fun one school starts. just miss everyone too much. lol.

it's been like 5 days or so since BNE came out. ZOMG. its a fucking good album man. love it lots. cannot stop listening to it. been listening like 5 or 6 times liao. serious. the whole album leh. 5 or 6 times is like 60 or 72 songs leh. so far i have picked out some nice ones which could be added to my favourite's list. i feel the band gave a different approach from what riot was. there are some sentimentel rock songs available on this album, showing the versatility of paramore. they just rock la. i love them. and hayley has gone blonde guys. lol. she looks so much different and so cute now. as if she was not cute before.

sup yall. yup, another post is desperately needed to sustain the life of this blog. i certainly dont want it to die man. i love it like my own child. LOL.

the fucking timetable for next semester have been released and i have to be honest, it is not to my liking but i have to also point out that i like that school starts much later this time round. for the beenefit of those who always arrive late and also we get to wake up much later than the usual mornings la. so good for us i think.



check that shit out my peeps. lol. i have to say in a way im hoping for school to start much faster. miss my sluts too much. miss all the laughter and jokes we shared man. see you guys very soon i hope. and we will continue being the noisy bunch of people that we are.

yeah lets talk abit of raya. i have not officially said this but here it goes.

'Suhaidi ingin menyusun sepuluh jari tangan dan jugak sepuluh jari kaki untuk meminta maaf dan ampun untuk segala silap and salah yang pernah dia lakukan selama mengenali sesiapapun yang membaca ini. maklumlah, semua manusia pasti membuat silap. SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN ya'

its in malay so im sorry if those who dun understand malay cannot read it. its just me apologizing for any mistakes which i have done to anyone who reads that before. yeah, so accept me sincerest apology yea?

whats the first thing when people think about when it comes to raya? you ask this around and you might get different answers, especially if u ask among different age groups. the children will most likely say the money that they will get once raya comes. the adults will have to worry about the expenses on all the preparations of raya, and trust me, its not alot. i've been KPO and im quite shocked by how much people spend for raya. if u ask those lees fortunate people, what i mean is those who are in need, their answer will put a tear in your eye. seriously.

for me, i dun hope for the money. money comes second la. lol. the thing im looking forward to is the family gathering la. so shiok you know. its not everyday that the whole family, yes the whole entire family- all uncles and aunties, in one place then going off to visit other houses. makin betambah erat lagi lah tali silaturahim (excuse my horrible spelling). what i mean is the bonds between the family is much closer la. understand now?

well money and family gatherings are not only the things i crave for during raya. of course there is the food. lol. i cannot believe i ate like 5 or 6 times in one day. thank goodness i had the self control to not eat large portions during each of my meals. i manage to eat like a few pieces of ketupat/ lontong and whatever is available in the house where i visited. yea, it was fun. raya food shall be missed and its so nice. no wonder it happen only once every year. if too often ah, confirm very fast become fat leh. lol. seriously. well i have this idea of inviting people to my house to just eat la and maybe make a small reunion of the sluts. well MAYBE la. see first lor how. if i want i will tell you all la. see my nenek say what first. she sometimes say yes ah but later ah cancel one. so i must ask again and again and again.

wah decent man. not bad. i manage to put on 1 kilogram only and i have to work extra hard now since im no longer fasting rite. yup, hopefully before school starts, i'll be at my desired weight. just to let you guys have the numbers, now i am at 81 and i hope to be either exactly or lesser than 75 when school starts. i also want go shopping right before school starts so i have new clothes la.

ciao people. will post more soon.

sup sup sup my dawgs! lol. have not been blogging much lately coz its either im too busy with visits or relatives visiting my house or i'm just too lazy to blog la. let me summarise up these few days which have past.

i need to upload pictures of me to FB la from my phone but my adaptor is lost. fuck.
raya is tiring but nice. i dun care about the money, the gatherings is wat im after basically. family is always first.
i dunno why i dont have the effort to type a proper post. when i do i hope its a job well done.

hey hey. it seems that i cannot get myself to livejournal and blog my time away. i just feel like i have alot to say but when the 'post an entry' page is infront of my face, i cannot type anything. it's like all of the content went down somewhere, into the pit of my soul maybe. LOL. that sounded too emo.

HA! speaking of emo. went to arai's tumblr and saw that he wrote about me.


if you cannot see it. click on it i think. then maybe u get a better view of it.

yea. wateva arai posted was partially true. i can be a pessimist most of the time but im not heart broken man. too happy to be heart broken. but in my opinion being a pessimist is a good thing. let me explain. you know when you are facing a dilemma and people will tend to give 'look on the bright side of things' as advise. well those people are encouraging you to be optimistic. the total opposite of what i like to be. my pessimistic ways are not too extreme i suppose until i drown myself in thought and feelings of depression. nope. me being pessimistic is as follows. whenever i embark on something new, i will always tend to think and feel negative 1st about the outcome of the situation. this is similar to me bringing myself down and not to think highly of myself. this can also bring an impression towards you fine readers that i'm not very confident. well i can be like that sometimes. its just me so what to do right? by doing this, after completing wateva you have done, and it turns out the way you didnt expect it to be, then you will not be sad wat? right? this way i will reduce my chances of being emo la.

anws, got results back today. was freaking disappointed that i got only like 2.3250 as my gpa and i got 2 D+ and 1 C. i gotta really buck up man, no more slacking liao. need to be more focused in class and will try to refrain myself from talking all the time. i got a B for IDS, which was my minimum goal for the module. i tot i cud get an A but did not. LOL. nvm, im fine with it now. im surprised that i got B for PAC. LOL. just a real shock you know. haiz.

btw, happy birthday to you....! yay? a year older.

Its the 12 of September now at about 2.35 pm in a warm humid afternoon. It's like a week left to raya and i really don't have any mood or 'feeling' for raya this year. i wonder why this year is so weird and maybe i really don't think i'm looking forward to raya. like wth sia? maybe i should just fore myself to get into the mood and not get left behind. for your information, i'm gonna wear black for the first day of raya this year. only happened to ask a few people what they are gonna wear this year. i'm putting it down here in case anyone out there is being curious of such a thing.

I really need to think of something good next time to post up on here. maybe i'll start my own fictional story. who knows..

It's been a while since I posted something on my LJ. About a week of holidays and I have to be seriously honest that I've been rotting most of the time but I have a lot to do since Raya is just around the corner. Haiz. Life is as normal but I am really putting in more effort nowadays since I realized that time passes by so quickly and it is oblivious.

I changed my perspective of school now since the time when I was watching this reality show where it was all about business. It was during a particular scene where this girl was being interviewed by one of the top businessmen in US. She was talking about whatever plans she had and he asked for her GPA. Her answer was a 2.97 and his immediate reaction was laughter. He said her GPA sucked. A 2.97 sucks? Wow, I'm a bit worried about my performance in school now. Well, people might find it weird that I'm worrying about school during holidays but seriously. this is an eye opener for me. I'm not really into it and all but I was just shocked. I really must do something when October 19 arrives. I'll try to be less playful and concentrate more on books than my laptop. TRY. Yes, that's a word which is always in my dictionary. I need to change it to WILL.. Well enough about school and studies.....

Fasting is great, moving by quite fast. LOL. Raya is coming up in less than 2 weeks and I can say that I'm a bit impatient. Raya is fun. Matin, cheer up man. I'm sure your gonna be in the 'Raya Mood' sooner or later. Maybe it's still early now. Raya also means money for us what. We're gonna get cash man. Oh yeah! Not long after Raya, Brand New Eyes are coming out. Most probably I'll keep with the decision to buy my copy using my free voucher off the Net. Yeah so i would not need to use any cash. Need to save up to get some new items before school starts. I want new clothes, new shoes, a new bag and also whatever things I see that I like I will buy. Like some accessories or what. See lor.

Speaking of Raya, my ultimate weakness is the food. I'm gotta have some real solid self discipline to not get myself in overdrive mode. I don't want to fill myself up like a stuffed turkey. Maybe I'll skip meals once we get to different houses. Shit!

I'm in love. Brown Eyed Girls are nice.



Real Name: 박효진 (Park Hyo Jin)
Stage Name: Narcia (나르샤)
Position: Vocal
Birthday: December 28, 1983
Blood Type: A
Hobbies: Piano, Collecting CDs
Ideal Guy: Guy with sense
Favorite Musicians: Yoon Mirae (Tasha), Beyonce, In Soonee

Thats her! Aww. She is so hot. Love her. 9 years difference man. But who cares!

I cannot believe I'm watching Kumar again!!!